Monday, March 24, 2008
Help Please!
Ok, calling all you parents. I need some advice on dinner time with Savannah. The past two years have become miserable when it comes to eating with Savannah. We have always felt she would outgrow it, and it has gotten better, but it is still no fun. She whines, gets in and out of her seat, jumps out of her seat, plays with her food and drink, and is loud, yelling at us when she is corrected. This is really the last area we have not been able to get some sort of control over. One of my parents today said to me "she'll outgrow it. She won't be 15 and running around the table still." Boy, I got scared. What if she is?? So, any ideas on how to help her get toward the goal of being able to sit through dinner by the time she is 15? (Or 5, for that matter??)
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3 comments:
Cilndy,
It is hard for children at her age to 'sit' during meals. First the expectations for all meals should be the same. I realize dinner is a more sit down meal - but it is also a time to get everyone to 'see' you! Start small. Enclude her without making her the main course. If she is four set four important rules.Like, sit in your chair, eat with your utensils, speak in your inside voice and above all include her in your conversation. Make your own rules, mine are just suggestions. When she breaks the rules remind her once. When she does it again excuse her from the table and go on and eat. She will live! Don't be a short order cook - and don't make it a big deal. It is really hard for an only child to see what other children are expected to do and it is more fun to get lots of attention, any way you can.
I think you will find that it takes time and consistancy - but Savannah is smart and wants to please. At this age the world revolves around her and you have to help her revolve with it. You should enjoy your meal with Brian every chance you can, if Savanah follows the rules or not. Do not praise her on her behavior, just comment once or twice a meal on the good effort she puts forth. Enclude her in the conversation (but she should not be the center of it).
Good luck and sometime when you get a chance watch "John and Kate plus 8" ! It is a hoot and really puts things in perspective!!
Great Aunt Judy
I agree... it is a hard skill to learn, but I don't think it's unreasonable at all to expect her to be able to sit during meals (she does it when you go out, after all), so it would probably do a lot of good to examine *why* she's whiny & jumpy at home.
In our house, we have dinner a bit later since DH doesn't even get home until 6pm most nights. DD especially gets very whiny if she hasn't eaten recently - she really does need to keep that blood sugar up! So we have a little snack around 5pm (which is later than I normally would want to be doling out snacks) - but it keeps her going until she can eat dinner.
As for the jumpiness... what is she usually doing before dinner? TV? Naptime? Maybe she needs a little time to run around before dinner. Is she normally jumpy at other meals? Does she tend to snack on the run? It can sometimes help to look at what you do during all eating times - get an idea for what she is allowed to do at other times; maybe you need more universality. (I have found this type of exercise to be very sobering!)
If none of that is the case, then I would simply ask her if she is finished eating. If she says no, then remind her that she needs to sit back down in her seat in order to eat. Should she refuse, I would maybe talk for her (Well, if you don't want to sit down, maybe you really aren't hungry right now. I'll go ahead & clear your place for you and save this for later if you decide you're hungry.) Keep it very matter-of-fact - no blame or accusation in your tone at all. DS especially is surprised when I call his bluff, and very often his true feelings (either way) will then come out.
If she says yes (she is finished), then simply ask her to put her plate in the sink/on the counter/whatever you have her do when she cleans her place. (and if you don't have her clean her place, that's a great thing to teach her to do!). We have to do this with DS a lot. I will have him put an entire plate of food on the counter. I usually wait to throw it away, because that's what there is to eat if he complains later that he's hungry.
The hardest thing for me is to remain calm when I talk to them. It's very much my nature to want to yell when I'm losing patience, but it winds them up even more.
HTH a little.
i tend to agree with Jaime. We are going through similar issues with our oldest. She does not sit "nicely" at the table. I first became aware of it when I was dining out. She was laying down on the bench!!! I started watching the behavior at home and realized we had gotten really lax in our expectations. So we are trying to correct it. I remind her what the rules are, then if it persists, I ask if she is done. She is usually done!
I do have the opposite problem of Jaime. I have to make sure she does not get a snack too late, then she does not eat.
I guess above all we have to model what we want maybe even exaggerating like using whispers to get an inside voice.
Know that you are not alone in this struggle!! I have already had to start teaching the little one to use her inside voice at the table!!
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